I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There's a naked man in my car right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
