you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
