I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
