if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
