you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i am craving dick and cupcakes
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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