Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
