Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
