I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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