Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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