Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
