Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
