as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
