My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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