distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
