the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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