Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
