Nicole vs. Life
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
