I can tuck mytits in my pants
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize