Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
