Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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