How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
