I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
