I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
