you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
