Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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