So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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