i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
