There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize