Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize