I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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