For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize