My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
