i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
