This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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