he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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