Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
