Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
