Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
