I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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