It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
