I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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