he thought i was a dude.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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