theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
