Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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