We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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