im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
