marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
