Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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