I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
...so i touched it.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
