true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
