I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
