threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
