she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
