I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
