i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
