You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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