And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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