also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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