____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
