i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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