If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
