i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
