She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
