I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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