Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
