Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
