Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
