Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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