Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
